home to hope

i know there are days where you feel like you are frozen, both inside and out. and even if you were to travel a million light years away to stand right in front of the sun, no amount of heat would be able to thaw the chill that brings you back to the realisation that you have no home.

and i know there are moments where you feel like you are teetering on the edge of some god-forsaken precipice and then others where the only thing you are certain about is that there is no end to this infinite sea of loneliness.

and i know that on some hours, you bottle up your thoughts so tightly against you that all you can do is shiver. skin, blood and bones shuddering against the force of the wind, howling at you to give up the sacrificed secrets and screaming stars but you would never betray your stories and so you stay silent while the thunder tornadoes around you, keeping you in a circular prison of your own demons.

and i know that on some nights, the only thing you are capable of is kneeling over in pain and huddling behind the grey, wishing the horrors imprinted upon your sight are getting washed away with the tears that keep falling, seemingly from every weeping pore in your body, but the only thing they do is wash the blood towards you until all you can see is blood and your tears aren’t tears anymore, your tears are red with horror and death and each one is a prayer and a cry for hope, falling past your outstretched finger tips before splattering against concrete clouds.

and i know that your pain holds no bounds but i also know that you keep on adding from the pain others are buckling under. and you keep others grounded even while no anchor can hold you. and you hold fire within you, knowing you will never feel the pleasure and burn of a flame. and you grasp the stars falling out of belief and teach them that they belong somewhere far above defeat. and you stay soft enough to dream yet hard enough to know that all they will be is dreams.

and i know that the only thing you’ve ever been is a home to hope yet the only hope it cannot hold is your own to find a home wide enough, warm enough, solid enough, brave enough, to welcome the sky home.

 

 

 

previously posted here

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